Roommate 2 is tired of asking Roommate 1 to help around the house, and is upset that 1 always seems to use "short on money" as an excuse with bills and groceries, but not with clothing, beer or concerts. I guess I noticed these things too, but I lived in a situation like that last year, and speaking up only got me a five-letter-word reputation. Roommate 2 doesn't think it's fair to just cheerfully pick up the slack. So, do we need to discuss this with 1? And how would we go about it, anyway? -- E.C.

The way you go about it is for both of you to go up to Roommate 1 and say, "Hey, we're not your personal assistants. Either help out or pay extra rent." Don't budge.

I can sympathize with your position, since getting burned for taking a stand can make you think hard about doing it again, especially when victory is toilet paper.

Plus, you have Roommate 2 to consider. While it is your prerogative to choose surface peace and avoid any new confrontation, you'd be leaving someone else to fight the battle without you. Which is fine, even necessary, when you don't agree with the cause.

That means you'd be setting her up to help you out by being the five-letter word -- knowing full well how bad it feels to be the five-letter word. Not fair.

You do have an alternative to confrontation. If you insist on not reliving last year's drama, then you can make it up to 2 by cheerfully picking up all the slack yourself.

Eventually, though, 1 is going to have other roommates, along with co-workers, neighbors, co-chairs, fellow commuters -- and all of us are poised to be most grateful if you decide to take this girl on.

But you may be overlooking opportunities to tell this guy to back off. If you've all noted it, then you've all had many chances to say, "Hello, you're dating my friend." Take some.

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